What a great day!

Today I am utterly exhausted from my roller coaster ride! Six weeks on the most intense ride of your life will wear you out. I am sitting in the seat just so glad it has stopped for a minute so I can catch my breath and get ready to ride again, hopefully I am going on the kiddy level now, because I don't want to go upside down again.



Okay for those of you that have not heard my screams of joy, let me let you in on the story. After two years of waiting and waiting and paperwork sagas my agency said you can go and visit her in July. I was so excited for the last 3 or 4 months. My tickets made and just had to update a little more paperwork. Piece of Cake! May 25th comes along and I get a call from my agency. I am thinking they want me to move my ticket up, go sooner, no they called to tell me that Jillian's sister was going to a Russian family. WHAT?????? Could this really happen? I have prayed for God's will in my life for the last two years. Ok God I can let her go. She was never mine and I don't know what you were doing, but ok. Your will, not mine. Even Jillian can answer back to me when I say "who is in control of our lives"? God controls us! (Ok, she almost has it) Thats right we might not understand it, but that is what we want. So when I know she has gone to her new home the relief is great, the waiting pure agony. Its over, no maybe its not over, maybe God put me through this because He has another plan for me, another child. Ok, I'll keep my ticket and just keep going through the motions and wait for an answer. That sounded like a good plan, but inside my heart and head complete and utter turmoil. Yesterday I said enough. I don't know what you want me to do God, but this doesn't feel right because there is no peace in my heart. I cancelled my plane ticket, cancelled everything with my agency, two years of paperwork, two years of not planning a trip because I did not know what was going to happen, maybe they would call and tell me to go. I am done. On with life. I am going to enjoy every minute with Jillian, but why does this make me so sad. I am going to put it out of my mind and go home and take a swim with Jillian and shut it out of my head. One last thing I have to tell you God, I shut all of the doors today so if you want to open it, you will have to do it. I walked in the door and immediately every phone was ringing simultaneously. What? leave me alone! I had to look to see who in the world was bothering me with a vengence. My agency, what! what! what! I called to check the message and there was a message saying there was a new dcvelopment. Ok, I am biting. The officials at the Department of Education in Vladivostok are surprised I am not coming. Did I not get their letter? Yes, I got the letter, and I got it translated, and it was hard to understand, but I knew my agency had confirmed that this little girl left the orphanage on June 14th and went home to her new family, and yes I knew they could not tell me that she was for sure Jillian's sister because of the paperwork they had to change to make her adoptable. Send us the letter something is up, we will translate it. The letter says she did not go to the Russian family she is available. She is waiting on me to get there! The door is open!!! Thank you God , you are so good!!!