I Would Like To Retract My Statement

I am not a grown up yet. Yesterday really showed me that. I thought I was going into my meeting yesterday with no expectations, that was a lie. I compared this little girl to Jillian, which to me, is like comparing someone to the moon and the stars. It is not possible. This is an aspect of parenting I will need to get a grip on.

She came in the room like a wild indian. We played for 2 hours in a room that was about 3 x 6. It was very hard to study her as she was going so fast and furious playing with all of the toys. I never even considered that there would be a child as full of herself as the one I already had. That was my first knock me over with a feather moment. Secound she has dark hair and is a little chubby, that also threw me for a loop, me with no expectations. She does not have a shy bone in her body, she is confident, athletic, quick, and very smart. It did not bother her at all that I did not speak Russian. She speaks it well. I just kept thinking she is going to wear me and Jillian out (we are not pansies either). She would throw the soft ball I had brought her at me (suppose to be to me) and it felt like a Ranger pitcher was hitting me with the ball. Did I tell you she was strong. When it was time to go, the social worker told her to give me a hug. It was like a wild bear hug. She then asked the social worker if she was leaving with me now. NO!

I have now had about 7 hours of sleep finally and I am up to the task of visiting her again today to see if I can get to know her a little bit. I am hoping we can go outside today so she can run a little of that energy out.

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. I am so glad it is over. I appreciate all of your prayers and thoughts. Please don't stop now.